Matt alkstay, Jay alkstay, You istlenlay.
Jay: Yo
Matt: Oh … It’s … Yewww
Jay: Don’t act like you’re not excited.
Matt: Only a little really.
Jay: That’s only a little hurtful.
Matt: Life just be that way.
Jay: You’re just cold-hearted.
Matt: The world made me that way.
Jay: Life on the streets does that to a guy.
Matt: I have a serious problem.
Jay: Burning when you pee again?
Matt: I have two problems.
Jay: What’s the other one?
Matt: I have 499 friends on Facebook.
Jay: That is bad. That’s way too many to keep up with.
Matt: No, the problem is the odd number. I need one more very badly.
Jay: So add someone.
Matt: I’m trying to! I had 496 and tried to add four.
Jay: Ha! And only three accepted?
Matt: YES!
Jay: That’s a problem for you dude.
Matt: You mean “for you FREAKS” don’t you?
Jay: Oh no! We all have our personality quirks.
Matt: That’s what makes each of us special.
Jay: True, and you’re much more special than me.
Matt: Hey now! You’re quite the weirdo yourself.
Jay: Actually I meant you’re much more loved than me. I only have 199 friends.
Matt: No … People think you’re Mr. Sweet and Wonderful.
Jay: Only for a while, then they start hating me.
Matt: Well, I have noticed that, but didn’t want to say anything.
Matt: *pees while on the phone*
Jay: Very impressive stream.
Matt: Thank you. I’m very proud of my urinating power.
Jay: I don’t know about the rest of you, but you’re kidneys are excellent.
Matt: Oh the rest of me is done! Kidneys are all I have.
Jay: At least you have that.
Matt: Hey! You need to follow **Name Redacted**
Jay: No, No, No, No, No … I don’t either.
Matt: You’re missing out.
Jay: On a bunch of bullshit?
Matt: You really should follow him.
Jay: Okay, I will but you have to follow **Name Redacted**
Matt: Oh MANNNNNNNNN!
Jay: It’s only fair.
Matt: You play dirty. Mitt Romney is funnier than that guy.
Jay: Eh … He’ll probably block you really fast.
Matt: Well, there’s that. Okay, deal.
Matt: Kind of.
Jay: ???
Matt: How ‘bout Alternative Olympics?
Jay: Events we’d like to see?
Matt: Well, things like “Gay Olympics” “Redneck Olympics” “Ethnic Olympics”
Jay: “Handicapped Olympics?” “Midget Olympics?”
Matt: Yeah, stuff like that. We’ll hit every politically incorrect group.
Jay: We can do that!
Matt: Schmoop! Take notes.
Jay: Damn, a personal assistant.
Matt: You should get you one.
Jay: No kidding.
Matt: Schmoop! … Schmoop! … Please?
Jay: I need a more obedient one though.
Matt: It’s like she has a mind of her own.
Jay: Okay, so Alternative Olympics it is.
Matt: Gonna be HUGE!
There you go folks! Just a couple of genii doing what they do best. And, don’t forget to tune into Sunday’s I’m With Stupid as we present the Alternative Olympics!